Your Opinion The First Paragraph

in Entertaining nonsense and profound thought,I need you

I had a lovely post scheduled to day about Richard Snow, Edward Sanderson and Kristan Higgins, but I’m postponing until Wednesday because I have yet another question to ask. Are you tired of giving your opinion – No, according to my last poll 100% of you enjoy giving me your opinions, so I’m taking you at your word and picking your brain some more.

I took what you all said about the first line of Glimmer Girls and synthesized it, swirled it around in my brain and then edited it the crap out of it. And now I’m asking you not only to tell me if you would read on, but also what you do and do not like about this paragraph. Honestly now, because I’m sending it in for a cold read – if I’m lucky it will get picked – and I need it to be the absolute best it can be, without having all the juice edited out of it. Tall order, I know.

As usual a little thingy will pop up, if it hasn’t already, and ask for your input. And I’d really, really like it if you could bring it upon yourself to make comments. Because if something isn’t working I need to know. Conversely if something is working, and you don’t tell me what it is, I might cut it because I don’t know what it is.

You see why you are so important to this process – without you I’m blundering around in the dark. Especially as my own sense of humor, among other things, is slightly wack. And I’ve been influence by at least three different cultures. They are all mushed up in my head and come out in strange ways. (I grew up in both California and British Columbia – plus I had English grandparents and grew up loving everything English. And then there was the over abundance of Monty Python in our house growing up. – “There’s a penguin on the telly!”) I’m asking you to save me in the only way you can… tell me what you like, and don’t.

Here’s the paragraph:

At twenty-four, Clara DeLamare no longer believed she was the victim of genetically altered tomatoes, although her mother certainly had been telling her that for years. No, Clara thought it was much more likely that she was descended from mermaids, and as it happened there was a village on the New England coast where mermaid sightings were once thought to be commonplace, although none had been recorded in recent history. Clara had come to see for herself. Because if it was true that Mabble was home to both magic and mermaids it might be the one place in the world she could find the truth

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