Last Saturday I attended a workshop hosted by Sisters-In-Crime and put on by Donald Maass. An excellent class, by the way, I highly recommend it. At the very end we spent about ten minutes talking about first lines and I didn’t get a chance to say what mine was – and more importantly – get feedback on its draw power.

So I’m asking for your help. A pop-up survey will show a short list of first lines. I want you to vote for the one that most makes you want to read the rest of the story. You can also put remarks or alternate first lines in the comments. Or anything else you want to share for that matter. Maybe your favorite first line?

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer Fusco April 21, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I liked the second one, unless you’re talking about senior citizens…eewe. 🙂


Kate April 21, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Nope. Middle aged contract killer. It’s duct taped to his chest…


Laura April 20, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Hi Kate, Laura from both Donald Maass annnnd Write it Forward 🙂 I guess we’re really into the same learning styles, eh?

I really liked the concept of the diapers. Maybe a couple tweaks would change it from JK’s opinion of “seeing a grown man in diapers doesn’t seem that special”??


Kate April 20, 2012 at 11:28 pm

The next line dispells that image. The diapers are duct taped to his chest!


JK Mahal April 19, 2012 at 10:28 pm

I also liked the first best as written. The third one could have been good, but needed to be reworded. I liked the concept, it just needed to be sassier/snappier.

The second one just didn’t grab me, but maybe that’s because I have a mom in diapers and see elderly people enough that an elderly man in diapers doesn’t seem all that special to me. (When you can buy Depends at the drug store, it no longer seems that special 🙂 ).


Deborah Blake April 19, 2012 at 10:19 pm

See–and I liked the first much better! I just have to be different 🙂


Julie April 19, 2012 at 4:53 am

Voted with the pack this time, how unusual….


BarbN April 19, 2012 at 1:18 am

I agree with Delia. #2 for the win. The first and the third– while not exactly deterrents to further reading– would need more sentences to go with them before I’d be willing to commit.

Yet another example of my current state of brain-foggedness, though– I was irritatedly thinking what the heck is that weird pop-up at the same time I was wondering, well where the heck is the survey? ha. I should probably just go to bed, but I have a couple of hours of reading yet to do.


Delia April 18, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Oh the second. Definitely the second. The first and third are lacking the snap of the second, as well as the oh-my-goodness-what-next factor. Y’know, IMHO.


Kate April 19, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Thanks, Y’all for voting -and commenting here. I’ll put up the results later next week. But if you think of it spread the word. I’d like the largest sample size possible.

Why does that sound wrong? It shouldn’t, but it does.


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