Bad Advice from Bitchy Bertha

in Entertaining nonsense and profound thought

Not for the faint of heart

 

Wanda, of Wednesday Woes with Wanda Worstwagger has taken a sabbatical. We aren’t sure when she’ll be back as last we heard she was staying in a villa in Italy and wasn’t feeling much like handing out advice. In fact, her last communication was “tell them all to move to Italy and stop worrying so much.” It doesn’t bode well for the advice column.

However, Wanda’s friend Bertha has offered to take over from Wanda. This was very generous of her, except Bertha’s advice doesn’t seem very sound. However, I did promise I’d give her a try. All I can say is use Bertha’s advice at your own risk. I’d say more but she’s looking at me with her eyebrow raised and I’m a little afraid to.

So here we go:

Bad advice from Bitchy Bertha:

Not for the Faint of Heart.

Dear Bertha,

Less than eight months after we broke up my former boyfriend is engaged to be married. I’m not sure how to feel. On one hand I don’t want to marry him and feel like a dodged a bullet. On the other hand I feel awful that he obviously got over me really fast. It’s like I didn’t matter to him at all. Do you think I’d feel better if I drove the five hours to where he lives and smashed a pie in his face, or should I just be thankful he didn’t ask me to marry him and let it go?

Sincerely,

Down in the dumped.

 

Dear Dumped,

Tell me this: after you drive the five lonely hours with a cream pie in the seat beside you are you really going to shove it in his face? Or will you eat the pie on the way there, get to your destination suffering from a sugar crash and fall to pieces and end up sobbing at your ex’s feet? If you are really thankful to have dodged the engagement bullet then put him out of your mind. Clearly he was looking for a wife and you must not have been projecting wife-like vibes. Which makes sense if you think about it because you said yourself you didn’t want to marry him.

Save yourself some embarrassment and let him go.

If you need some help getting over it waltz on down to the local pub and find a man to take as a lover for a week or two. There’s nothing like wild gorilla sex to put an ex out of your mind.

Sincerely,

Bitchy Bertha

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