Bad Advice from Bitchy Bertha

in Entertaining nonsense and profound thought

Bitchy Bertha answers a question posed to the Agony Aunt at Express Uk:

Dear Bertha,

I know you will tell me the truth. I’m too terrified to make love to my partner in case she gets pregnant. When she and I first got together in 2009, we both agreed that we didn’t want children. (I already have a 23-year-old son from a deeply unhappy teenage relationship.) But recently, I’ve caught her looking at fertility and pregnancy stories on the internet. Now she’s saying that she may have changed her mind. She insists she’s still on the pill, but how can I trust her when she’s clearly going back on her word?


Scaredy Blue Balls


Dear Blue Balls,

Have you never heard of condoms? If you want to have sex with a woman, or many women for that matter, but don’t want children (or STDs) USE A CONDOM!!! It’s within your partners right to change her mind, just as it’s in your rights not to father a child, but why place the burden of birth control on her?

Secondly, grow a pair and sit down and talk with her. How long do you actually think this sexless relationship is going to last? If she really wants children – or if she wants children more than she wants you, then you best get to saying goodbye. If you truly do not want more children then be a man and tell her that. Say “I am not willing to raise any more children. I love you, but I do not want children. If you want children I’m going  to free you from our relationship so that you can pursue a relationship that includes children.”

All this moping around, wanting sex but not trusting your partner is bull shit. Grow a pair and communicate man. And use a damn condom.



Bitchy Bertha


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